Know Your Worth!
I was recently watching an amazing video of Oprah Winfrey and Michelle Obama talking at the United States of Women Conference.
They were discussing how Michelle had coped with the negative press that came with the role of 1st Lady and she spoke about ‘Knowing Your Worth’ and it really resonated with me.
As someone who supports individuals to be themselves it is vital that the first person who needs to value what you bring to the table is of course YOU! the aspect of Owning Your Brand and #FindingYourRoar is fundamentally based on the premise that you must like yourself, be prepared to value yourself and stand by your values. It is also very much linked to the underlying premise of Positive Psychology - Managing and Removing Limiting Thoughts and Beliefs.
I am totally of the opinion that you can talk the talk but if you don’t come across as someone who believes in you it is an uphill struggle to get someone else to do the same .. whether it’s going for
a job interview, asking for a pay rise, tackling those advice givers about family upbringing or in my case building up a business you have to say ’ I like myself , I Iike what I am doing and how I do it and ‘I Know My Worth.’
In other words - don’t sell yourself short!
Selling yourself short isn’t about monetary value. It can also be very much about you allow others to treat you and influence your thoughts, feelings and sometimes your life. In this social media driven society we are open to everyone’s opinion on you – perfect strangers think it’s acceptable to give comment. Do you find you:
- Allow others to judge you in terms of your opinions, looks and behaviours so you actually stop or change what you do?
- Agree to take on tasks for others which actually have a impact on you leading your own life?
I recently worked with ‘Maggie’ who struggled with saying no to people. In particular to helping other with childcare .She never said no – she picked up and dropped off, she had friends children round after school. It was no problem right as she was often going to the same school or didn’t have activities afterwards and Maggie didn’t have a job to juggle. Maggie felt uncomfortable about refusing. She noticed that she would re-arrange any activities she might want to do – including of course just chilling with her own children, so that she wouldn’t upset those that she ran favours for… she was selling herself short and she was saying – ‘my time isn’t as valuable as yours.. And of course she started to feel a bit resentful and a tad fed up. However she didn’t want to fall out with her friends but it couldn’t continue. The fact was Maggie didn’t value what she did and thought her time at home was seen as ’ spare time’ by others.
1. It was important that Maggie saw what she brought to the table and understood its value. Firstly to see her role as stay at home mum as an actual job. She had chosen that lifestyle to spend time with her children and help them grow and develop.
This is important!
2. Maggie then looked at her role as home maker and saw that this was actually a job as well - one which used to be very valued and now seems to somewhat disregarded - but her role here was vital in her family jigsaw puzzle.
This is important!
3. Maggie listed all the things she did in her role as mum and homemaker… and it was long! And Maggie started to see that her time was valuable - not so much spare time happening now.
4. Finally we listed all the activities that Maggie wanted to do but had not done and focused on the benefit they would bring to her family - to her job!
Once Maggie saw this it became easier to say to others that she was unable to help and actually that in the main others appreciated how busy she was. Helping others out was great once in a while and having other people’s children was also great .. once in a while, but not when it started to distract from what Maggie wanted to achieve. You wouldn’t take on extra duties at work all the time to the detriment of your normal role so why view it differently because you are not office based.
There are many ways to understand your worth and many situations in which it can be difficult to see such as social media bullying ( a whole topic in itself) and this is where your coach can help and support you. The message is always clear though. In order to have others see you for what you are and value what you do you must feel this way about yourself.. Only then can you be truly congruent and true to yourself!