Ego – be in the relationship part 3

As the song says ‘time to have a sit down with your ego!’.

Ego – something we all have. Something we associate with perhaps more negative vibes such as bragging or showing off .. something that can be bruised .. not always seen as a pleasant part of us.

But like everything within us ego is all about balance. Light and dark and shade and tone. Ego is useful in helping us get up and going – driving a sense of achievement. It can help be conscious of how others see us and can be part of how we ‘do our best’.

Ego is also on the look out to prove itself all the time and so yes when it goes unchecked it can come across as arrogant or unempathetic.

It is this aspect of proving and worthiness and being right that can also get in the way of us letting go of our baggage and stepping into our healing. .. and stop us from being in a healthy relationship with ourselves.

Here’s the thing – you want to let go, you don’t want to be tied to the past and you certainly don’t want to hold onto that pain .. hmm or do you ? On the surface of course not and you are potentially looking at ways to gain support in order to work through this.

But there is a nagging voice inside.. and it can go a bit like this …

1. If I let go – then I am letting them off the hook..

2. If I let go – then there is no one to blame and I need to blame someone..

3. If I let it go – people might think I am weak ..

4. I let it go -people might think I was wrong ! – and I am not wrong !

5. If I let it go – then who am I..?

Or maybe even a bit like this .. If it isn’t their fault then are you saying it was mine ? !

If you say about responsibility and accountability are you really saying I was responsible for that ??!

And perhaps even – without this I don’t know who I am or how to be ..

Let’s look at this from a different view. Let’s take all the incidents and people out of the equation and just focus on what is going on right now..

Let’s not make this about blame or fault -how about we say – ‘I can’t change what happened but I can be responsible and accountable for me now.’

Or we say .. ‘I can’t change what happened or change that person but I can be in control of how I tell my story and share this narrative going forward.’

Or we say ‘ it’s OK to be hurt and angry but I give myself permission to not let that consume me – because when I do that I give all my power to the other person or the situation and I am taking my power back for me ..’

And of course – we can say – ‘If I let it go – then suddenly I have that power and I can choose .. and that’s a healing feeling.’

It can be scary to let go of something you have held onto and dragged around with you for many years. To stand in your space and say you are responsible for you and accountable for you and you have choice.

It can be scary to not have that thing to fall back on as your reason for not doing , not changing , not being the person you think you can be.

Ego is what holds us back so we don’t have to face our biggest friend – fear ! – yep fear is your friend and that’s another blog.. but when you check our ego and take it out of the equation and we see that fear is standing there – looking to keep us safe and protected but sometimes really not in the right way .. when we start to quietly question and be confident to challenge ourselves – then we are in conversation and e are building back that relationship with us …

So have a sit down with your ego and look and see what you are holding onto just ‘ because ‘ and then think about ho that can be different .

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