I had a really interesting conversation with a friend the other day. She mentioned how for many of her friends’ intimacy between them and their partner didn’t really happen. And when it did it felt like a chore – they would do it once a month to get it over with, they never wanted to initiate it and they would be happy to not engage! It feels as though this is becoming the trend and the norm and especially for women if we say how important it is to us it is seen as a bit odd – well I say No!
We both find this quite sad. For many partnerships and relationships, intimacy and let’s face it, good sex was part of the initial package. Whilst there are some relationships based on companionship and are non-sexual these relationships do not have the behaviours described above – there is not simply doing it or getting it over with.
So why is this happening. And more importantly why is this an issue – because I think it is myself!
In this we look at it from the female side of things – I’ll save the men for a later edition.
These are on my top 5 list of reasons why intimacy goes off the boil.
But here’s why it’s important to work through – and each and everyone of these can be resolved in some way – simply doing it for the sake of it to keep things quiet is not the answer. – it doesn’t meet anyone’s needs.
If sex was a part of your relationship before and it isn’t now for one partner then one person isn’t getting their needs met – and this can lead to resentment, anger, exiting the relationship or seeking it elsewhere.
Intimacy is any form is what helps us be connected. Our bodies and our minds remember that we like to be with this person, and it can help to ease feelings of anger or hurt when you take time to be with your partner in this way.
It can create a feeling of security – some people get this from physical touch in a way they don’t from talking or emotional support.
It’s also great for your mental health and physical health. you can burn around 100 calories during a healthy session! You release feel good hormones and chemicals in the body and you relieve stress.
I am in no way saying people should do it when they don’t want to but rather than have it as something to get out the way or to basically hope your partner then keeps their distance why not explore what’s going on and see how you can re instigate intimacy in your relationship.
If you really don’t fancy them its important to think about what this means for you and then – there are options vailable – we will chat about this in another blog.
So, in your relationship let’s think Sex positive!
If you need support in getting intimacy back on track you can get support from me with my Intimacy Programme- why not book a free initial consultation.
https://calendly.com/bemooretherapy/discovery-call
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