Make It A Priority!

This weekend was my birthday weekend, and I am very blessed to have a husband who aways puts a lot of thought into what to do and what to get. In return I do the same – although honestly, I feel I am much easier to buy for than him – but that’s another blog altogether.

Reflecting on my birthday and the fact that we are also soon celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary and 14th year together I was clearer than ever that it is vital that relationships are treated as a priority.

I have said before that the biggest killer of a relationship is complacency – a view coined by the wonderful Relationship Therapist Esther Perel. When you simply stop caring or noticing or bothering then the relationship simply fades into the distance. This is much harder I feel to pull back than when a specific event has happened that means the relationship is firmly in the forefront.

It can sneak up on you as well – life is busy , you have many other commitments but this commitment you have made to be in each other’s lives is the most important – because for many this relationship will under pin all those other relationships and commitments – the roles you play , parenting , the planning of events , friendships – how much of that is based on your current relationship together?

How would this all change if you suddenly didn’t have that?  ( now some people who have really unhappy might see this as a good thing – but may people who really believed they were together for good have found complacency creeping in !)

It can also be easy to go along the line of – well my partner hasn’t bothered – so why should I? – Fair point – but that won’t fix it. You may need to take the higher ground and make the first move and then open up the conversation.

Here are some small things that can help you reconnect:

  • Make a point every day to hug – a proper long I see you and feel you hug!
  • Ask your partner what they are currently watching or reading – share back.
  • Put a couple of nights aside where possible to go to bed together – simply to have that time in what may be a busy house – if one of you isn’t tired you can always get up again in a bit.
  • Make a note of key dates or maybe create a day that’s you day that you celebrate every year and be ready for it – plan ahead.
  • Ask your partner how they would like to spend their time.
  • Notice if your partner sees something in a shop and comments on it then go back and buy it and save it for an occasion.
  • Put your phones and devices down at least once and talk to each other – about more than the up-and-coming planning that’s needed or chores.

We all love to feel heard and seen and validated. We can all lose sight of where our relationship is in the great scheme of things – it can become a bit of a joke that our partner is always last on the list – but it feels a lot better when it doesn’t.

For help with your relationship why not book an initial consult?

And don’t forget to join me on insta – @alimoorebemoore for lots of hints and tips on relationships.

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