Marriage is a Practise

Such an interesting phrase I came across lately. It was referenced by the fabulous Dr Tammy Nelson and of course it is not just marriage but referring to long term relationships (LTR’s) in general.

When it says practise it doesn’t mean you are on a trial run – although there is a view form those in second LTR’s that the first taught them a lot – but more like a practise such as Mindfulness or Yoga… that it takes time and it takes effort to work with it and get good at it!

And it is so true… in the beginning it is all excitement and questions and getting to know each other but this doesn’t stay – and then you need to get on with life and you need to start seeing each other outside of rose coloured glasses.

So may couple enter into the therapy room with me frustrated and confused because their relationships isn’t going as they hoped. There’s lots of wants , and needs and assumptions and expectations … all of which is fine but when there is no communication or direction or actual input or commitment to solutions together it becomes very hard to live with.

LTR’s don’t come with a manual – and life throws lots of challenges and curve balls plus you are having to take into account your requirements and those of another ( or more ) person.

I do feel that our fast paced world has made it feel as though everything needs to be instant but to use another analogy PTR’s are most certainly a marathon not a sprint.

• Communicate and schedule it in if needed.
• Don’t make your partner a mind reader – be courageous and find ways to raise issues early on
• Make time for your relationship and each other.
• Step into their arena on a regular basis and see the world as it is to them (what’s going on for them at the moment)
• Remember that sometimes things feel smooth and easy and other times there are bumps in the road- this is life.

Finally remember you have already invested so much into this to establish that LTR. Treat it like the investment it is.

Bright Blessings

Ali

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