Compromise makes a relationship right?
Well not for me.
I don’t like let alone love compromise and here’s why …
It sounds negative.
It sounds like 1 person has needed to give something up. And I know from sessions it can often be seen this way as well.
‘I’m always having to compromise’ is a common statement.
A bit like the word consequence – when we work with young people we say Calm, Consistent and Consequence focused. And there is assumption we are talking tough love – not so! Consequence is an outcome that’s all and that’s what we want to focus on – what is the outcome from choices made – which can be lots of praise and reassurance and achievement!
So, compromise feels a bit the same – the assumption that it means something not so great for someone.
So, if you don’t compromise how do you move forward? Do you just dig your heels in and hope for the best? – hold your ground?
No, of course not! – we do the same we just call it something else.
Let’s have agreement 😊
Agreement is when both parties are on the same page.
When it isn’t about who gave up what but literally that – an agreement of what is needed now and in the future.
When it’s an agreement we don’t go back and say I gave this up for you – we remember we agreed – on our own terms and together.
Now of course in the reality of things it can mean one party, or both has had to make changes. But those changes should be choice. Given in order to create a better reality in the relationship itself. If you do this, it’s not part of the agreement to throw things back in your partners face later on – it’s vital that the agreements made are clear and honoured. And if they need changing, they can be approached calmly and with a new agreement in mind.
So, when you need to make a change in how you approach your relationship – don’t think compromise – think agreements, think choice and think togetherness 😊
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