This month I have been reminding individuals that relationships – they take work! And it seemed appropriate in December, as on the one hand it’s a key proposal month, but on the other hand it’s when more marriages split than any other … the new year is always a busy time for my family law friends!
Of course, most people understand that a relationship is not always plain sailing but more than you think, are often surprised at the work a relationship takes in order to stay on track. A relationship like any living thing needs care and needs nurture. It needs to be re-grouped and refreshed, it needs energy and it takes commitment.
So often now I see people step in and then step out so quickly because its hard !
Remember that element of surprise when ‘ the honeymoon period ‘ ended and you had your first fight? And you realise someone needs to bend and then this is where the work starts.
The biggest hit to relationships is not anger or infidelity though– it is complacency – that stage where you are not even aware of what’s going on and suddenly you realise it’s not even there anymore.
We also need to understand that it needs input from others – in this day and age we expect our partner to be our everything – we often live away from family and conduct lots of interactions digitally – so our partner becomes our focus point on everything we need. … and as humans we simply aren’t designed to be someone’s everything
So I know what your thinking now .. we need to involved and interested but we can’t be too involved – well exactly – relationships take work! – Balance leading to interdependency where you are interested in each other but also have outside interests to bring in.
And by work I don’t mean changing someone – a big thing that comes up in the clinic space is that someone doesn’t do what their partner wants , or isn’t what they want them to be.. it’s a compromise not a project – you get what you get when you go into the relationship and the work is about accepting that person for who they are and supporting them.
But overall, it’s about being present and being aware – some days you or they or both will be grumpy, you will disagree, you will fallout but understanding that this is part of a relationship and not the end every time, is key to getting through these times.
Relationships are a vital and wonderful part of our world – but they aren’t always pretty and we as people are flawed – a relationship should stretch you and challenge you to a certain degree – so you grow together.
Relationships are hard, they take work – but are so worth it!
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