The impact of 2020 on My relationship with myself

So, we say goodbye to 2020 – the year that was going to be amazing – the new decade. I for one, was going to embrace my chance to experience the 20’s ( a favourite vintage decade of mine) and bring back the wearing of many hats and gloves whilst driving my business forward and all that jazz. But little did we know what the year had in store for us.

Somehow the universe decided to send a global message and rather than hats and tailored gloves – it was yoga gear and surgical gloves which accessorized my wardrobe along with a selection of snazzy face masks and who knew I would be taking the plunge and ‘ going grey’ in style as my lockdown roots not only started to show but basically became the look of the year.

Whilst thankfully my family has remained safe and mainly well throughout, as a I reflect now, I do see how my relationship with myself has changed. … some for the better but also some that has made me think about where I am now and knowing that I need to make some changes.

Let me share with you a short story.

There once was a young woman who had found her wings and was flying. This young woman thought nothing of hopping on plane by herself, renting a car, driving across Scotland or landing in the depths of Chattanooga ( yes it really exists) in the middle of the night and finding her way to the hotel.

She knew her way around Seattle like her hometown and every week saw her making at least one journey away from home. She kept her own house and raised her two girls to be equally independent and she turned up at her fella’s house Starbucks in hand with a suitcase, sunglasses and a confident smile. Her world was big and wide and exciting.

She was happy to wave goodbye to that life when they settled down together and had a child – with her own business to run she was still out and about – networking, lunches , trips to London and being part of her local community. She thought nothing of popping up the motorway and was always out for coffees.

But then life changed with 2020… her world went online, and everything was based from home. The clothes stayed hung in the wardrobe because comfort was the require thing. The trips out did not happen, her world became small – walking up to the school and back… even when she bought herself a beautiful sports car it sat on the drive as the world itself started to close.

Whilst there have been many great lessons learned and life has carried on … she started to notice something strange happen… she started making excuses not to go places, she started walking wherever possible rather than driving and because she now lived with hubby who was out every day and so very good at doing she didn’t have to be independent any longer like she needed to… and the longer this went on … the less she remembered what it felt like to be that girl in the sunglasses who had just jumped off a plane and grabbed a cab home.

And so here we are – here I am … along with many others who have noticed that their sense of self has changed this year. Their identity has been impacted by the challenges we have faced. I am truly blessed to have a beautiful home to be in that has served us well during the lockdown times and being able to move my business online has allowed me not only to survive the climate but, in some ways,, I have seen areas expand that I wouldn’t have thought of. Yet I know that the social aspect of my self has been changed … and I know that in the New Year I need to take steps to find that person again.

How do I do this?

At this moment I am not sure … but I know it needs to happen and I know that for some people feeling the same it is going to get more difficult to start stepping back out into the world . I am making a start by simply facing up the realisation of what has happened, and I know I have a great support network that will help me work through it.

As a therapist I know lots of people don’t have that… so as we see this year come to a close and another start, I shall be giving a lot of thought to those people who have seen their world become smaller and with it seen their sense of self reduce… and wish them and everyone a happy and healthy start to 2021… when hopefully in a few months we can all start to step back out into the light.

Bright Yuletide Blessings.

For support and a safe place to be heard do drop me a message at amoore@bemooretherapy.co.uk

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