Here’s the thing .. you meet someone , you fall crazy in love, you want to spend all your time with them .. it feels amazing!
And as you get to know each other love changes from those heady hormonal stages to becoming friends, companions – life starts to happen – every day stuff and if it goes well you commit to being that persons person – move in together – make a life together ..
And it’s normal, in those early stages to put so much into it and there is so much to learn about each other – often you don’t notice that you dropped off other connections.
However its Important that you maintain those external contacts – that you both have friendships outside of your own couple and that you keep those hobbies and interests you love ..
We can so caught up in the coupledom that we look to our partner to be everything to us . And more so as we often live away from family and move due to work.
But that is not how it works – one person cannot be everything and honestly may not have the skills or the interest to be what you need all the time.
Plus having outside interests means there is always something to chat about – keeping you growing as a person and as a relationship.
I know some individuals who find it hard to accept that their partner has their ow friends and goes out without them .. they feel insecure – the questions is not why your partner goes out it is why you feel sinecure when they do ?
I know some individuals who say – my partner is my everything – my best friend , my soul mate – we do everything together – if it works OK but this can often cause conflict later down the line.
Some people don’t have that healthy idea of a relationship with themselves and have good boundaries – they look to be co dependant on others – creating their whole word around them – interdependency is actually where we want to get to with relationships – 2 individual people choosing to come together and spend time together whilst still have that separateness that makes them individual.
Think about your social group – in that group different friends will play different roles – the organiser , the carer , the wild one , the agony aunt .. different people with different skills.
It’s no different with your partner – there are conversations I have with my husband and there are conversations I have with my girlfriends ..
There is compromise in as much as you want to take an interest in your partners world and they in yours – going to events you may not choose to normally etc .. but overall it’s important to know that when you put pressure on one person to be that everything – that’s a whole lot of hole to fill when you think about colleagues, family and friends people have around them .
So I repeat – your partner is not your everything ! They can be your person and you can be theirs but you need your own space and your own people in different areas.
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