So many discussions in recent sessions about having to step back and see your partner for who they are, right now.
Of course, it doesn’t start like this – it starts with what they find annoying or upsetting about their partner. … and I will say there is often a need for this behaviour to change … but what is missing at the start is the acceptance of what is reality right now for both of them.
To really look at your partner and say this is who you are, this is what you bring. Whether I like it or not is my stuff to decide. It’s first and foremost not about trying to change them. Whilst you can influence and discuss what you can only control is how you react to their behaviour and whether if this is them it works for you to be in that relationship.
Sometimes we see behaviour as negative, but this isn’t what is intended.
It can help to do an exercise with your partner to list how you see each other and then without defence swap and make notes on this to explain it from their own perspective.
Remember to not see this as an attack and defence situation but be open to hearing what your partner sees and visa versa.
I love my analogy of the menu and the meal.
You can imagine what the food will be like , you will often make assumptions and create expectations but when the meal arrives this can lead to disappointment if you have included hopes that actually were not on offer… nd often we do this over and over again.
Being clear on what the menu is saying can help you order a meal that is satisfying and fulfilling.
It can also help to think about what triggers you and why.
Have you communicated this to your partner or just assume they should know how best to interact with you?
What can seem perfectly clear to you can be a minefield to work through for them.
So, this week take time to really step back and say – Who Are You Right Now?
What Am I Wanting to be different and why?
Can I truly accept you in all your glory and faults today?
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