For me there is something truly courageous about a couple stepping into the space of couples therapy.
It’s a huge thing when individuals decide they need support and reach out – but also no one else needs to know – and no one gets to hear what’s said.
When you ask for help in your relationship you are going to potentially share some emotional things about you , you will say things that may cause hurt to your partner and they to you and then you need to get in the car and go home together.
I always say to my couples that if a session is tough, if it’s emotional, to think about it as a gift – to say thank you that your partner felt able to share something that needed saying and that could help get some work done. Because if both sit there and not talk – well that’s not helping anyone.
I also spend time with couples on an individual basis before we start working together as a group.
This enables them a safe space to just say what’s going on for them – without judgment and without fear of the reaction from the other person or the impact on them.
It remains confidential – sometimes when in group sessions the story or description will be totally different that’s OK and it’s not my place to correct or bring any of that into it.
Because at the end of the day couples therapy is about the relationship but it’s actually about the individuals themselves – it’s about everything they bring into that relationships and how that dynamic then plays out.
Each person will have their own baggage – their own needs, wants , expectations , frustration , hurt ..
We can’t expect the other person to change, we can vocalise and we can ask and we can choose whether that works for us if they are going to stay in their own space.
So when you are working in couples therapy or coaching what you are actually doing is navigating two very different individuals and looking to find common ground on which to build a united platform. And it needs to be clear that a united platform does not always mean they stay together – it’s about letting each individual see what’s going on in the relationship and be able to make a clear and healthy decision about what next.
To see what they are bringing in which serves them well or what they bring in which disrupts.
Couples therapy is about working together but it firmly remains about separate entities.
My role is to help facilitate and navigate the conversation and see where it leads.
For help on your relationship, please check out my webpage and do book a free initial consult.
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