I’ve shared a few times that my favourite book is Wuthering Heights… and that I have at least 12 different copies of it and have read it multiple times. Please note there is a spoiler alert in this blog… a big one !
What I have realised is that over the years both as I have gained life experience and I have spent time in the space of a relationship therapist world is how different I see the relationships now – how the overall story and dynamics have changed so much.
Reflecting on this helps me to see how the different clients I work with can see relationships in different ways.
So, I first read it as a young adult. I was swept away by the descriptive language and the promise of a love so strong it broke boundaries … I thought that this behaviour was so romantic. Heathcliff was a hero and Cathy was right to be obsessed – in fact who wouldn’t want to be in a relationship bordering on obsession? And the fact he was a bad boy and still Cathy was the one he would change for … so beautiful!
And I see this when |I work with young adults now. Often finding themselves in these types of relationships – but instead of seeing red flags they see themselves as Cathy – the one that will tame the dark side and that it is because ‘ I am loved too much ‘ ( this is one of my now least favourite sayings form someone – more on that in another blog.
So of course, you can see that I grew I realised that what it was actually showing was a toxic relationship – one without proper boundaries , with a need to push and pull each other , excuse bad behaviour and condone violence. It wasn’t a partnership and it was painful not just to both of them but to so many people around them.
I read it again seeing those red flags, shouting at the book for the spell between them to be broken , but in my heart a little sad that my view point had changed so much ☹ .
Again working with clients later on a see that same ‘ omg’ moment – when they realise this isn’t the love story they thought it was .. and they find strength to move on but still grieve for what they could have and thought they had.
I still of course adore the book , the way it is written , the brooding description of the characters and landscape in which it is set.. I still cry when ( spoiler alter) .. Cathy dies and Heathcliff breaks down… a part of me will of course still be that young teenage girl filled with romantic notions… nut I am thankful that now in my 2nd half century I have seen that love is actually not a roller coaster of emotion but a steady walk hand in hand.
I wonder what you learned about love from your favourite book or film?
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