A topic that often comes up between couples – mainly those in monogamous and closed relationships is how to handle feelings when their partner has contact with someone who is a potential ‘other person’ in the relationship.
Maybe it is a long term friend , or someone they have just connected with , maybe they share a liking of the same interests .. but whilst this person isn’t actually a threat they can be seen as a potential and this can lead to feelings of jealousy.
And let me explain why mono and closed are more likely to feel this way – because those in polyamorous or open relationships aren’t less likely to feel jealous – but they are more likely to be open and communicate about who’s in their lives and how they all feel about it.
Jealousy is very common to experience but it’s not a nice emotion to feel and the question is – is it relevant or needed ?
I always start by asking what it is about the relationship that causes the feelings.
What do they know about the other person?
How do they show up?
Just because your partner is having conversations with this person in no way means there is indiscretion and your reaction may cause tension between you.
Ask yourself these questions–
If you can answer these well then ask yourself what is it you are worried about and why is there no trust for your partner then? If you are concerned by the answers then it’s time to re-group.
Communication around this matter is key. Being open with each other about what feels OK for you and what doesn’t can really help – for example some people feel threatened by their partner looking at pictures of celebrities or fancying someone off the tele – honestly for me I don’t see the harm and it makes for good over dinner conversation 😊- I’m happy to share who’s on my list !
Jealously for jealously sake is not pleasant – it says ‘I doubt you’ and it also says – ‘I worry I am not enough for you’ – neither is a good platform for a healthy relationship.
So what are your feelings on this topic?
Let me know !
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Or why not drop me an email and see if it features in my new up and coming series ‘Ask Mrs Moore’ – available on Insta and You tube from Feb 9th 😊 just search In The Relationship Arena on either platform.
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