I did a social media post recently on the concept of TMI in people’s relationships – which is ironic because I think due to social media, we have a case of TMI.
But here’s my thoughts all the same.
It seems that we have very few boundaries in place nowadays. And this leads to conflict and upset in many relationships.
In days gone by you would spend time apart and then catch up when together – you would ring if needed – to ask something or check something or in an emergency.
Now with contact available all the time people are updating each other all the time.
Every part of their day is sometimes shared which means when they do see each other it’s all old news!
Add into that the visual social media of sharing your lunch, your whereabouts and what is there left to talk about over your evening meal or a drink together.
Even then it doesn’t stop then because just as your partner can tell you in an instant where they are at all times … you can actual see that by their phone. It is now commonplace to have tracking on devices so you can see exactly where each other are. Now whilst people give reasons for this, I am not sure it’s overly healthy and I honestly believe it leads to trust issues long term.
I find that with the younger couples this is normal behaviours, and it has driven boundaries further away. Many partners think it’s OK to check their partners phone, to read messages, to see what they are looking at on the various platforms. They don’t have initial proper conversations about is acceptable for them and are invariably upset when they see something which they feel is not appropriate. – another blog on this topic solo shortly!
We now live in a world where people can be navigating many different conversations and interactions at the same time so at what point do, we just need to let that be – base our relationship on trust and step back.
Ask yourself do you really need all this information, what makes you want to know it and where does it end??
So, I say this – let’s put some boundaries back in place, let’s have a bit of mystery, leave somethings to be talked about in person, have separate hobbies and friends. Be individuals who are interdependent and then enjoy your time together exploring your various activities outside of the relationship.
The fabulous Esther Perel says that relationships need some mystery to keep things alive – and I totally agree.
Boundaries – have them, keep them and respect them in each other!
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